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That’s One Way to Tell if Anybody is Reading

Last week, in this very space, we made reference to George HW Bush as “44”. In the first hour after clicking “publish”, we had 287 emails from y’all, most of which consisted only of “41” or “44?”. A week later, it’s pushing 500. You are a tough crowd, and we love you for it. The fake job offers from the Herald-Zeitung were quite the elegant touch.

 

We could go presidential on this and say that A) you read it wrong, or B) somebody hacked our account, but we take our lumps around here like adults, so we’re sorry for confusing First Bush’s presidential number with First Obama’s. It won’t happen again probably.

 

Meanwhile, at the HZ’s spiritual sister publication, the proofreader at Jamestown, NY Post-Journal got famous for this last week:

So we’re feeling a little better.

 

Gosh, Orrin, That’s Not Very LDS of You

Utah Senator, uber-Mormon and “The Exorcist” fan Orrin Hatch had a few reckless words for CNN when queried about his feelings on the federal government’s allegations that Trump directed his former attorney and self-described “fixer” and “bullet-taker”, Michael Cohen, to commit two crimes by illegally paying off a cuppla hotties to keep their moufs shut about going in flagrante delicto with Trump, in order to affect the election.

 

He had feelings about it, all right. Feelings of dismissal and general contempt for anyone who wasn’t president:

 

"The Democrats will do anything to hurt this President." #boohoo

After being reminded that it was the Feds that brought the charges, Hatch switched it up, to "OK, but I don't care, all I can say is he's doing a good job as President."

 

The lawmaker then kept digging with this assertion that rule of law is really simple farce.

 

"I don't think he was involved in crimes but even then, you know, you can make anything a crime under the current laws if you want to, you can blow it way out of proportion, you can do a lot of things,"

 

Then he topped it all off with this telling statement:

 

"All I can say is this: President Trump before he became President, that's another world... Since he's become President, this economy has charged ahead."

 

That last bit is THE BEST. It means as long as we get what we want out of the guy, he’s off the hook from... pretty much anything. For a guy that keeps his temple recommend up-to-date, he maybe needs a Sunday School brush-up on how the Devil buys out your soul—he arrives with gifts, dummy. Not threats.

 

HE BRINGS SWEET SWEET PRESENTS SO YOU WON’T CARE IF HE EATS THE NEIGHBORS’ KIDS. He’ll eat yours last, and only then will you start getting suspicious.

 

“Oh, that Devil so nice. Look at my lawn! Luxuriant.”

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