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Issue #1919

 

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While last week we published from within the beautiful, cannabis-legal borders of Clark County, Nevada, this week’s issue comes to you from the more morally correct shadow of the Trinity River Project, which occupies the land that used to hold up the Dallas Sportatorium. Despite the sage-burning efforts of Big D’s eco-do-gooders, we go to press today surrounded by the well-chiseled, Adonis-like specters of the Von Erich boys—four of the five, anyway—with Kerry, even in his phantom state, still a foot short.

 

They remind us that Texas’ best days are behind it.

 

 

SCHLITTERBAHN SELLS OUT TO YANKEE INTERESTS

Son of a #####. Cedar Fair just bought-out another family-run amusement park. I remember when they took over my beloved Knott’s Berry Farm (Where the West Turns Wild) and ripped out the pan for gold thing that had been there for a million years and got rid of the little devil guy that made the volcano erupt that I used to go look at when I was five and replaced ‘em with Ghostrider. Ok, yes, they also tore down a church that was on the property, so I’ll begrudgingly give them credit for that.

The Ghost Town volcano and the li'l devil guy making it go off from inside his glass prison

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